I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
