He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
