You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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