Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
