I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
