Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
