Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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