if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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