my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well I can't set my house on fire every night
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Your cock deserves a montage
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
