i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
