I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
