So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
