Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
