i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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