They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize