I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize