using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
