I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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