I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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