I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
