I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
