so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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