xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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