and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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