i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
