The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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