Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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