Plan B is the new Plan A
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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