You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
