i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
