i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
