So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
