I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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