Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
