i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
