this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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