Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
