We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
