i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
