so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
