some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
