all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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