oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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