did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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