Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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