She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I touched a dick in church today
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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