your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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