that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
