I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
