So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's always time for handjobs
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
