that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
