I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
