You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
