I think I died a long time ago.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
