I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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