when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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