Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize