Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
