dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
