My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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