Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
