So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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