No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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