it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
