it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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